This is exactly the kind of situation the screams, "Find a new job"! It's affecting your health, your home life and your sanity.
You have a gift to share with children..but it's being stomped out in that particular environment.
It's not worth it to live like this. Start searching for a new job...you are better suited elsewhere. Once you are actively searching for a new job you'll feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off of you.
You are certainly NOT lazy....you're discouraged and worn out.
I have a friend who stepped away from an environment such as the one you're in...she couldn't believe how stressed she was, looking back, AFTER she removed herself...it was unbelievable.
The indecision is worse than the stresses at work...just make your decision tonight and get a good night's sleep.
Good Luck and God Bless...
Look for a new one, but don't quit a job unless you have a job to go to.
If I wasnt feeling good about going to work, I would probably start looking into getting into another career or maybe its something phscycological maybe you need some antidepressants or something like that, I think you should go to a phyciatrist first then take it from there.
You are sounding overwhelmed by stress and uncertainty. I am curious about what your feedback/employee reviews have been like. Are the district's expectations increasing, or are you increasing your own expectations? Take a deep breath, get a focused perspective on who you are, what you do and who you are there to serve. As long as you are satisfied with the answers to those questions, then you need to give yourself a break and find a way to factor in stress managment in your day. You must take care of yourself if you are going to care for others.
Exercise daily, eat a healthy diet and get enough water and rest. The best thing you can teach your students is how to cope with stress and difficult expectations. So teach by example. If you have the flexibility within your curriculum, maybe you can do a bit of relaxation and breathing exercises? My daughter's school does this from kindergarten on up. It's great. They call it "morning wake up" and it is similar to yoga. Just takes a few minutes but it teaches the kids coping and relaxation skills.
All that aside, ask people close to you what they think. Ask friends and family if they have noticed a change in you. Do you seem overly stressed or irritable? Ask co-workers or mentors how they think you're doing... do they have any suggestions or observances? Praise?
Ask yourself why you seem unhappy? Is there a lack of respect or trust in your workplace? Is there another work environment you might fit in more comfortably? Another school? Another city? Different students?
It sounds like you are a very concientious and dedicated teacher; special ed requires special people with special talents - in short, people like you. I think you'll find your way after a bit of soul-searching. But from me to you, thanks for doing the job you do.
PS: Ever read any of Torey Hayden's books? One Child? Murphy's Boy? She's a great author and a special ed teacher, too. I enjoyed reading her stories and you might find something that resonates with you there, too. Good luck. Here's her website: http://www.torey-hayden.com/
First of all, talk with your school principal. Tell him/her what you're experiencing and see if together you can work out some reasonable solution that will take the pressure off so you can concentrate on teaching more. This isn't an impossible situation. I'm sure many teachers have experienced it. Get some support and some advice from those in your own field ... and remember to talk things over with your principal.
A new job might be a good idea, but seeing a doctor is an even better idea. Anxiety attacks, nausea, vomiting, migraines. Seems like there's a lot more wrong than just your job.
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